This was a hilarious forward from my friend. Too cute not to share and if you have pets you understand how insanely accurate it is...LOL...Not sure where it came from, but here goes:
How to give a cat a pill:
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens jaw, gently pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3.Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from under the dresser, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer.. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour a shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
11. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
12. Tie the little sucker's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
13. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
14. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill.....
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
12 comments:
oh my gosh! I am laughing so hard here! Thankfully, both Q and 9 are good about taking pills. Not sure about Chani, haven't had to give her a pill yet. Something tells me she is going to give me a bit more resistance than 9 :D
God, that gave me the giggles! Soooo true!!! Why can't cats be as dumdum about food as dogs are? Life would be easier ;)
Although I have to say, here the Flavor Doh works wonder!
Dog: They feed me, love me and take care of me: they must be gods!
Cat: They feed me, love me and take care of me: I must be a god!
How true!! We had a Maine Coon would not take a pill/fluid or otherwise foriegn medication no matter what is was wrapped in. There was blood, scratches and much cussing before the vet gave that stubborn beast a shot! In spite of the physical damages, not getting smelly dog.
I've had both sorts of cats....darned near impossible and ridiculously easy. The latter might have been because I was more experienced, though. Hilarious post!
Oh goodness Cori, this was so funny! Funny in a terribly not funny way...because multiply this by three, and you have described my last 9 days! Three cats, one pill per day, for 10 days...next time, we're getting dogs!
Oh Hyacinth, hope the kitties are all right. When Belou was sick I had to give her all sorts of pills, potions and lotions. Just when I thought she FINALLY had one down she'd walk past me an hour later and the pill would be stuck to her chin. Not that I can blame the poor things. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a giant person crouching over me, baby-talking and trying to shove a pill down my throat. Pretty terrifying. If only cats ate more bacon...
Oh, my! That is not a cat who welcomes a pill.
That is so true. We use cheese and mush it around the pill, dogs will swallow anything you throw;) I usually do the blow in the nose trick with my kitties, they have no choice but to swallow;)
Debbie
Or, with my dogs, throw pill at bottom of triscut box and put in pantry. Leave to go to work and let dogs break into said pantry and eat entire box of triscuts thus consuming said pill. :)
Yes, yes, everyone, the post is very, very funny, but how handsome are those cats?! They're gorgeous, Cori! So masculine, yet divinely elegant. I love them.
I've had exactly the same experience with all my cats, until Rosie came along.
She has asthma and takes a steroid every other day. I tilt her head back, drop in the pill, she swallows it, and goes back to sleep. Or playing, or whatever.
I don't ever expect to have this experience with another cat.
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