Rituals

It's become a morning ritual for Albert and Elvis to wake me up well before my alarm goes off. You know, because they're STARVING. These two have it down to a science... from the kneading and the head swatting to the constant mewing. Albert is probably the worst. He's puts his wet nose right on my eyelid until I can't take it anymore. I squint into the darkness ready to shoo his furry butt away, but it's too late. He knows I'm up and the meowing turns to howling and the kneading turns to frantic prancing. "Okay," I think. Just get up, feed them and go back to bed. So I do. At 4:30 every morning, I stumble in the dark to the food bowl, trying not to crush Albert as he runs back and forth between my feet. Elvis, never really that hungry in the first place, has curled into the warm spot on the pillow where my head previously rested.

I'm such a sucker.

Edited to add: I just realized that I drew this entire picture with my right hand. I'm left-handed. Can you imagine? I spend so much time on my computer that I don't even know which hand I write with anymore... What does that say about me? Jeeze.

To Eat or Not to Eat...That is the Question!

In my hurry to please Mr. Elvis "I step in my poop" Livermore, I mistakenly got the wrong cat food. Not only was it made specifically for seniors, but(GASP) it was the pate. F.Y.I. Elvis hates pate and has been known in the past to fast until the correct sliced form was purchased.


Seeing as how I refused to go back to the grocery store in the rain, I mixed up the pate with warm water and smooshed it into a soupy mess hoping he would believe it was all gravy. I set the food down and nervously waited for his reaction. Please notice the hungry lion look in his eyes. This could end badly.


He sniffed and looked at me disdainfuly, but realizing it was this or nothing, gave it a try. I am pretty sure he wanted to dislike it. At first.

Glory be, after the initial stinky face, he settled in like the crazed kitty he is. (Zoom in on the pic above for some pate on nose action) Crisis averted! This time...

A Very Happy Meal

I just can't figure out where Albert gets his unhealthy eating habits from...

Good choice, Berty! Stick with the Diet Coke.

P.S. If you click on the top picture you will catch the beginnings of a beautiful stinky face. Enjoy.

Where's the cake?

Elvis: Grr...I'm so hungry. Maybe I'll go get a treat from my stash under the bed. (head turns in all directions) I have to make sure Albert doesn't see.

I must be ver-ry quiet...tip...toe...tip...toe...tip...eek( floor squeaks)...

Elvis holds his breath and looks over his shoulder... Oh no, did he hear that? He starts to exhale..

Albert(races in from behind): Heya Elvis, what're you doing? I thought you were asleep. Why didn't you tell me you were up? Wanna play? Where were you going? Can I come?

Elvis: Stupid squeaky floor boards.


Are you bored yet? Happy 100th post from me and the boys!!!!

Food Withdrawl Day 6

The food portioning was going great this weekend. I was in and out for the most part so their pouting had no real effect on me. Until this morning. My lovely dream, wherein Gerard Butler and I were happily living in sin, was horribly interrupted by an icy something poking my eyeball. I squint open to find Albert thisclose to my cornea, sniffing and nudging me with his tiny wet nose. I quickly realize 3 super annoying things. 1) It's 4:30 in the morning, 2) Albert is making stinky face, and 3) Elvis is not in the room.
Let's review:1 is bad because it is way to early to be having the "I'm hungry" conversation with my cat. 2 is annoying because, excuse me, if you don't like my morning breath don't stick your head in my face. 3 is scary because, OH LORDY, what is that cat getting into.

Why put off the inevitable? I struggle out of bed and stumble into the kitchen where I find one huge mess and one very naughty Elvis. The water bowl was completely knocked over and there were various articles of crap(i.e. a neon orange furry mouse and the electric bill) just hanging out in the middle of the puddle getting wet. I swear to everything those two winked at each other, high-fived and then left the kitchen to go jump in my warm bed while I cleaned up the most ridiculous mess ever.

Ok, so maybe they didn't high-five and the winking could have been imagined, but still, I wouldn't put it past these two. I imagine after I go to bed they organize late night huddles in the bath tub, whispering and plotting devious ways to break me.
I.Must.Stay. Strong.

"Oh Waiter..."

The Boys (after finishing their breakfast): "But we're still hungry. Please put more food in the bowl."
Mom: "No way kiddos. Thanks to your loyal blog readers I now know that I should be reading the back of the kitty chow bag for portion size, and let me tell you, you boys eat way too much. No more food this morning."

Albert: "But why would they say such mean things? Do they want us to STARVE?"

Elvis: "Can't you see that our bowls are empty..."

Elvis: "...and we are so cute. Don't you love us anymore?"
Mom: (sigh) You won't starve, yes I love you and you're not eating again until dinner. Now, go play."

Albert: (mocking mom's voice) "No more food, go play." Well I hope she didn't like this chair. I'm about to play with it's innards. scratch...claw...rip