My name is Albert Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!
Camel and Albert dove expectantly towards one another. "To the death," Camel said, advancing.Albert gave a soft shake of his head. "No," he corrected. "To the pain."
It was an odd phrase, and for the moment it brought Camel up short. "I don’t think I quite understand that."
"I’m going to tell you something once and then whether you die is strictly up to you," Albert said, precariously balanced on his hind legs. "What I’m going to tell you is this: bow down to me, and if you do, then I will leave you alone, embroidered disco mirrors intact, and you will be tied up but not fatally, and will be free to go about your business. And if you choose to fight, well, then, we will not both leave alive."
Camel answered,"You are only alive now because you said 'to the pain.' I want that phrase explained."
"My pleasure." said Albert. "To the pain means this: if we duel and you win, death for me. If we duel and I win, life for you. But life on my terms..."
"The first thing you lose will be your feet. Below the ankle. You will have stumps available to use within six months. Then your hands, at the wrists. They heal somewhat quicker. Five months is a fair average...
"Next, your eyes. The sight of the desert dunes will forever be a distant memory for you.."
"And then your nose..."And then my tongue and then my ears, and shall we get on with it?" Camel said.
"Wrong!" Albert’s voice rang across the room. "Your ears you keep, so that every shriek of every child shall be yours to cherish—every babe that weeps in fear at your approach, every woman that cries 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will reverberate forever with your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means that I leave you in anguish, in humiliation, in freakish misery until you can stand it no more; so there you have it, pig...um, camel, you miserable vomitous mass, and I say this now, and live or die, it’s up to you: Will You Bow Down?"
"... "
Albert Inigo Montoya, victorious once again.
9 comments:
love, love, love the prose. keep it coming. and the photos too, of course. fabulous!
Thank you to the Princess Bride for a never-ending supply of hilarious monologues. P.S. The names have been changed to protect the guilty...I mean innocent. ;)
Oh and the deleted comment was something I wrote that made absolutely no sense. Just wanted you to know there was no comment censoring here. FYI. :)
Oh, that is too funny! Great movie reenactment by Albert and Camel! Bravo! I smell an Oscar in his future.
Where was Elvis in all this though? I see he joined in at the end after Albert was victorious but I didn't see him helping his brother when all the brouhaha was going on!
Oh yes, THAT is funny. It must be edifying to see that your fierce descendents of the Lion Goddess of Egypt will protect you from the...uhmn....beautiful stuffed ornaments inhabiting your home...
The Princess Bride! One of my very favorites!!
And isn't Albert the dashing little fellow? Was Elvis looking for Princess Buttercup?!
I'm pretty sure you're right Awen - Elvis was probably off looking for Princess Buttercup cause he's such a stud he doesn't have any need to show off with Camel. ;)
Where do I get one of these camels? I love it! Almost as much as I love the kitties!
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